Four Things Not To Do On Tinder

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(Picture from Google)

If you don’t know what Tinder is, it’s a dating app that you can download for your phone. Basically you see a few photos of a person, a small bio that they write (if they choose to write one), and your mutual likes on Facebook. Than if you don’t want to talk to them you swipe their picture left, if you want to talk to them you swipe right. If they swipe right on your picture too than you can message one another in a chat window. Super simple right?
Since I have been actively using Tinder for a month now I am obviously at an expert level where I can tell you the top four things that annoy me on the app. So without further ado, here are my four please don’ts of Tinder.

One: Your Bio

Do not tell me what to do in your bio. ‘Have fun’ ‘Live life to the fullest’ ‘Work hard, play harder’ or ‘don’t take people for granted’. Excuse me but your bio does not need to be a passive aggressive replica of my mother. Also please don’t make your bio a whole essay or just throw out a philosophical quote and leave it at that. First off I don’t have time to read your life story (I’m already in college – I’m done with the whole personal statement bit for a while); and I don’t want to read some incredibly smart quote Albert Einstein once said, unless you are Albert Einstein – in which case I will still swipe left because you’re too old for me. Also if your bio says ‘I don’t judge people’, you’re indicating that extremely well by being on Tinder.

Two: Shirtless Pictures

Shirtless pictures are actually great, which I’m sure most people will agree with. Your shirtless picture should, though, include your face and exclude your penis or almost penis. Tinder is a very superficial app so go on with your shirtless self but I would like to see your face sitting on top of those abs – also don’t Photoshop your face on a pack of abs that aren’t yours – you think we can’t tell, but we can.

Three: More Picture Problems

I want to see pictures of you, not Link from The Legend of Zelda– I know he isn’t a 22-year-old male who likes Mumford and Sons, lives in Prague, and has a winky face in his bio – also he isn’t real, how dumb do you think I am? Have more than one picture of yourself that, again, contains YOUR face, your REAL face: not a face under a helmet, an abstract painting of your face, a picture of you that’s too far to see your face, or a silhouette of your face – I’m not sure how many times I have to emphasize this, it’s honestly not that hard – just show me your face! I’m still ranting here: please stop posting pictures with you macking out with other girls or licking other girls (you think I haven’t seen that but oh boy have I) – it’s not flattering, it doesn’t make me want you more, and it most certainly doesn’t make me jealous – it just makes me wonder why you’re on Tinder at all.

Four: Messages

This can go both ways. Please don’t send me really long message right off the bat – this goes with the bio thing, I do not know you enough yet to care to read a long paragraph about the single question I asked you – wait until the conversation goes on for more than a couple of days. I know that sounds rude but this is an app that mostly judges people off their looks, what do you expect? Also if you reply with one worded answers or just a sentence you either don’t want to talk to the person or are extremely boring – most of the time I’ll assume the latter and give up trying, in which case, if your reason was the first one, well then, you win.

Tinder on everybody, Tinder on.

– Miranda

Oh and P.S. I’m Back Bitches! 🙂

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