I would like to tell you a story; I think it’s going to be a fairly short story but a true and interesting story nonetheless.
Ok so I went to the doctor today because I just recently turned 21 and I was told that I had to get some physical once I turned 21, apparently a lot can happen in a year.
Now don’t worry, I’m not going to describe how I had to get into that hideously cold scrub that they give you to change in or how I got walked in on by a doctor while I was changing (this last part didn’t happen but it would make for a good story someday I’m sure). What I do plan on talking about though is … wait for it… Sex.
So, I walk into this room right? The nurse lady finishes processing my paperwork and she tells me to change into that scrub. Mind you, I live in the state of Washington and it’s nearly freezing outside and all they give me to change into is a sheet, it’s not even as thick as a towel, but just a sheet to cover my goose-bumping nakedness. Moments later the doctor walks in, goes through all the formalities like shaking my hand and what not, and then she takes a seat, looks through my papers and starts to ask the really hard hitting questions; questions like ‘How are you?’ I was not being facetious earlier (ok maybe a littler) because if I were to answer truthfully I would say something along the lines of: ‘Oh I’m ok just normal stuff like freezing my ass of sitting on this really uncomfortable seat with what seems like a pee pad that you all put underneath my bum. Not to mention that you’re fully clothes and super comfortable and I’m nearly naked – also that you’re going to touch my body in a non weird way but also it’s a tad uncomfortable. But besides all of that I think I’m splendid.’ Instead I just said I was fine. But you all are here for the sex that I promised you and the sex you shall get! <- Try taking that sentence out of context, oh joy.
Getting on with things: you know how your doctor is supposed to be, or ideally is ok with anything about the body? They’re there to make you feel comfortable right? Well that didn’t really happen. You see I’m 21 and under my ‘sex status’ bar you get the message written in bold: ‘You are currently INACTIVE – please renew your subscription that you’ve never used’ – kind of like your computer saying ‘You got mail!’ except this time it would be ‘You never get mail!’
So we’ve gone through all the questions on the sheet and I know that the only questions that are left pertain to this sex thing and it’s taking a significantly long amount of time for my doctor just to ask the question. Lets say the other questions took maybe 2 seconds until she got to them, I tell you I waited around a good 30 seconds before she figured out how to approach this topic:
Doctor: “so, ummmm have you, you know—–“
Me: “have I had sex yet?”
Doctor: “are you, you know… waiting and such? Is there a reason as to why?”
Me: “I just haven’t found anyone I’ve desperately wanted to do it with”
Doctor: “well you know, you’re studying abroad soon and when kids leave their parents’ house they tend to get really wild and excited and form relationships”
Me: “I’m probably not going to have sex in Prague”
Doctor: “but if you do… I’m sure you learned about this in high school but you know, safety”
Me: “yes, I know about protection”
Doctor: “ok good, now that we went over that….”
More like now that I went over that – believe me it was incredibly painful. This is the person who I’m supposed to trust with my body and feel completely comfortable around and yet she can’t even talk about sex without sounding completely embarrassed or nervous, it just made me nervous! I understand that sex is an important thing to many people and because it gives us the opportunity to constantly produce mini-mes it should be done in a responsible way but come on, the only progressive education we’re going to get with sex is if we get rid of this chastity belt and create a discourse about it and this discourse should start with our doctors, teachers and parents – not PornHub or RedTube.
So that was my sex story, I realized that this wasn’t particularly short but I hope you enjoyed it – I know I enjoyed writing it.
Until next time!